Tuesday, April 15, 2008

By Popular Demand

The people have spoken, and they want more "Bachelor" analysis.  What started as a one-time experiment will now become a recurring feature of the blog.  Unfortunately.  This means by the time I take the board exam in June, my IQ will have sunk like a stone, possibly into the negatives, from having to watch this garbage.  Fortunately, I hear most residency directors are big "Bachelor" fans.

This week, the Britchelor had to prune some more dead wood in order to get it down to four lucky ladies for next week's "home town dates" (more on this later).  For this week's date, the handsome young male host--we'll call him Token--announced everyone would be going to Sun Valley, Idaho for some skiing.

So they hit the slopes.  The snow bunnies frolic in the freshly fallen powder.  Except for Marshana, who, away from the others, tells the camera that she looks so good that she doesn't want to "get snow on her clothes."  At this point it was unclear to me if anyone had explained to Marshana that skiing is typically an outdoor activity.  Or if Marshana had ever been outdoors, period.

Regardless, we next see Matt take off after Marshana.  I thought the following scene would unfold something like this:

Matt (returning, alone, with shovel and workgloves on hands): Now that that's all taken care of, who's ready to hit the slopes?

Girl #1: Where's Marshana?  Didn't you run after her to throw her into the snow?

Matt: Uhh....yeah, that's it.

Token: Well, I guess that's one way to "eliminate" contestants!

(General laughter)

Actually, though, all that happens is that Matt throws Marshana into the snow.  Marshana says it was "sexy."  I bet she wouldn't say that if the Britchelor at least nailed her with a few point-blank snowballs, Dumb and Dumber style.

Another matter of interest on the ski trip was from the famous Shayne.  In a sit-down conversation in the middle of the slope (not recommended), she whips out enough makeup products to stock a Clinique counter.  She has them all on her person!  In her giant coat!  On the slopes!  Who does this???  By the way, I know it was a lot of makeup because Malerie, who claims to not like this show yet somehow always watches, told me so.

After the ski trip, ABC throws to commercial, promising that tonight, we'll see "the biggest confrontation in Bachelor history."  I was hoping for fisticuffs, or at the very least a slap/hairpull.  All I got was the lovely Marshana launching unstrategic F-bomb strikes all over the household and Chelsea walking away, upset.  My favorite part was the Marshana confessional that aired in the middle of all this in which she said, "I am a great person.  I am nice.  I am friendly.  I am loving.  I am giving.  I am so thoughtful.  I am charitable."

Anyway, the episode ends with Matt finally showing some degree of intelligence and bouncing Marshana and Robyn the Desperate.  Token asks everyone to get ready for next week's home town dates, in which each girl takes Matt home for a few days to meet her family and see her town and whatnot.  We catch a sneak preview which includes none other than. . . Lorenzo Lamas himself!!  This could be live-blog worthy material, so stay tuned....



Heather said...

Wow, Matt, it ALMOST makes me want to watch it....I watched it religiously with my roommates when I was in college...somehow I don't think my current roommate would be remotely interested in reviving that tradition.....

Pete said...

Matt, forget about the Bachelor. Have you forgotten that the NBA playoffs are around the corner, and that the Jazz are poised to make some noise (shouldn't that be a rap song?)? We should get a watching schedule, it did work for the Sox...

Samantha Weed said...

Matt, I can't believe you actually watch the Bachelor.