As part of a time-honored tradition of the NHL playoffs, most hockey players grow a playoff beard. You might think it is just another way for hockey players to transform into the smelliest, nastiest human beings on the planet, but it's supposed to bring good luck to those hoping for an extra edge.
I've got to take the board exam next week, and I too am looking for any advantage I can get. I considered wearing my lucky underwear for the month of June. I thought about taking a week off to visit the Blarney stone. Instead, I've decided to grow a savage playoff beard of my own.
And more savage, it could not be. Savage like cro-magnon man was savage. Savage like Tarzan on both the cream and the clear. Plus, besides the intangible luck the beard brings me, it has also provided me with quantifiable extra hours upon hours of study time as I no longer have a wife who allows me in the house.
But the best thing about my "beard" is that it has also given me the ability to read minds. When I pass people in the library or on the street, for instance, I can always tell what they're thinking. Most of the time, it is one of the following:
1. Should I buy him a hot meal?
2. I feel sick
3. Should I tell him?
Anyway, I'll let you know how the exam goes. In the meantime, if you see Malerie, tell her I will be home, hairless, in a fortnight.
5 months ago