Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Chicken in Every Pot and a Deodorant Under Every Arm

Are you like me? Do you think that in 21st century America it's reasonable for all undergraduates to wear deodorant? You do? Good, I knew you were like me.

Tragically, not everyone is like us.

I boarded the shuttle on campus today, headed home after another hard day's work at the library, set to take my board exam tomorrow. Nothing like a relaxing drive through La Jolla to calm the nerves, I thought. Unfortunately, approximately 3700 other people also thought a shuttle ride sounded good, and I soon found myself standing wall-to-wall among them.

At this point, I would like to publicly say that whoever invented the handrails for use by standing passengers is a real piece of crap. I'm sure he thought he was doing us all a favor, but in reality he screwed up big time. I say "he" because I'm sure it was a man who invented these blasted things -- no woman would possibly have invented something with such smelly consequences. It would be much better if we all just stood, arms at our sides, and played one big game of "jello" around every turn.

So there I am, about to asphyxiate at any moment under the horrific stench. I see a girl sitting nearby, with a look on her face like she just stepped in feces. Poor soul, she probably won't make it out alive. Do I do the gallant thing, and cover up her nose with my own shirt before she passes out? Do I kick open the emergency hatch and lead us all to freedom? And what in the heck IS THAT SMELL.

Well, I decided to just endure. I hope it's okay for ophthalmologists to be hard of smelling, because I think I sustained permanent damage. And if I didn't, I'll self-inflict it before I board the shuttle the next time.


Here's a photo of something my "baby" made last week.


Lee and Melody said...

Matt Weed! Your postings totally crack me up. Your daughter is beautiful, too. Sounds like you're keeping busy, good for you...ya know what they say about idle hands! Before this Ambien-induced drivel gets too out of hand, I'll just give you our blog address (only if you want, of course) and fall asleep right here at the computer desk.

samantha said...

I am sorry, maybe you could bring a clothes-pin with you next time. (for the plugging of your nose)
I am sure the stench couldn't have been worse than furry-face after being outside.

Annette said...

FYI: La Jolla is not the only locale of the non-deodorant wearers. On a our recent trip to Zions National Park in Utah, we too were in danger of fainting and or asphyxiating as we hiked past or sat beside in a shuttle some very smelly folks! Why is the smell apparently not offending the culprits themselves?